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Saturday, August 15, 2009

Confessions of a New Hire

Well readers, it's finally happened. I have a job, and I'm relieved. Mostly.

I was fortunate enough to get a job at the university where I attended undergrad, with people I know, doing something I like, and making a decent living.

The thing about getting the thing you want most, is that once you have it, you start to wonder what you have left to strive for. Truthfully, it's not what I went to school for, and not at all what I envisioned myself doing once I graduated college. But just to be clear, I consider myself extremely lucky to work for a such a prestigious university, especially given the economic issue at hand.

Still, the night before my first day of work, I lie awake wondering, after months of agonizing, and practically begging for a job, any job, doing far worse things, if I'd taken the path of least resistance. By taking this job, was I giving up my dreams of owning a PR firm, or curating a gallery, or starting a magazine, or running a bed and breakfast? (bear in mind, I only went to school for one of those things.) Was I selling myself short to make money and work in a comfortable, familiar and friendly environment? Was I stalling my future by turning back to college? I struggled with these questions until the wee hours of the morning, and somewhere in between falling asleep and waking up for work, it dawned on me.

This job is all just part of the journey. It's something I enjoy, I have experience in, and I'm good at. So why not? I'm not giving anything up. I'm just on my way there, and I think along the way, I'm going to learn a lot. I'm not settling for what's practical, I'm preparing for what's ahead, and figuring out how to be the best where I am right now. As for my fear and self doubts about moving backwards instead of forward, working at a college is a far different experience from attending one...and after a week, I'm finding I like it. The responsibility, the feeling of being needed and respected.

I'm not in anyway implying that I know what I'm doing in life. But like so many recent grads in my position, I'm learning that the life you make for yourself, might be just as great as the one you've imagined, if you'll only have the courage to live it and find out. It's new and it's frightening, and I have no business casual outfits, but I'm going to try.

Lastly, this is by no means the end of my Ramen Days. I'm still a girl who buys work slacks at Ross, accessories at Forever 21, and eats mac 'n cheese straight from the pot. I haven't hit met all yet, but I'm sure there are more stressed out/single/poor-girl, post-grad crises and triumphs waiting just around the bend.

And, yeah, you'll hear all about them.